The way we were.

There are a lot of amazing songs in the world. Some of them are forgotten, some are never heard and someone have been ignored in their creators mind. Thanks to all the amazing artists for not ignoring the birth of an idea what then transforms into a song. 

 Carrie (ItsWayPastMyBedtime) posted an amazing song today. And that song got me thinking a lot. About me, about what I want to change about my current life, about being happy, being sad and being neutral. About friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and enemies. I got a sudden urge to call someone and talk about nothing or even just not talk for a while. Just to know that someone is there for me. I realised that I don`t really have a person like that in my life. I am not sad about that, because I can feel that somewhere out there that person exists. Sounds really ridiculous, but I can feel that person. Ok, maybe I am a little sad about the fact, that I haven`t met that person yet, but it is not that awful kind of sadness, it is like longing to meet dear old friend. You know that it is not going to be very soon, but it is going to happen. 

I think the worst part of thinking about things and realizing things is realising something very simple. I have always just been here. It is not like somebody needs me to be somewhere, but I just am. For once in my life I want to be needed. (Okay, probably some people need me sometimes, but I have never felt needed.) I am scared to begin to do something because of that. Because I am aware in my conciousness that nobody really pays attention to me. At least when I do something good and something worth being remembered for. 

I do not want to think and worry about my future all the time, I want to live my future like a normal person. 

The song:

Hello.

Let`s just put this out there- I am not good with begginings. I used to think I was, but now... it took me quite a while to finally create this blog. I have been thinking about creating this and what to put in here for more than a month. It is not that I don`t have time, ideas or I am just procrastinating. It is something else. Something that is harder to fight. And I have no Idea what it is. 

Now I should tell you what you can expect from this blog and from me, actually. I can never promise to post something according to some kind of schedule. I am not good with scheduling things. Sorry for that. You can expect a lot of rants that don`t make sense in any way, they will be just me writing everything directly from my brain. And yes, I do funny sometimes. 

Yesterday I got back from Croatia. It was amazing in every way possible, but because I was travelling by bus, I had a lot of time to think about things. A LOT. I somehow managed to leave my problems behind me and not think about them for 10 days. 

Going to a different country quite spontaneous got me thinking- when did the human race started to settle down so much? Like right now I could go and hop into a plane to New Zealand. But there are things stopping me. Not like school or job or the lack of funds, but something different. There is no way of explaining it, maybe you know what it is, but I have no idea. Sometimes it feels like people are just stuck. Stuck in their shitty jobs, stuck in their wonderful jobs. Having some kind of fear of seeing the world. Seeing other cultures, tasting exotic fruits, dancing like crazy in the beach. Or just living their life. We only have one life. Yes, I know, some people believe in afterlife, hell, reincarnation and all kind of things, but this life, this body right here is unique. You still need to take in as much as you possibly can in your lifetime. Make friends, travel the world. just Live. 

After all that thinking I really don`t know what to do. I am scared that I will just settle down, get and average job, marry someone, have kids and in my last living moments start to regret not seeing the world, saying no to a charming stranger, not being opportunistic enough. I am not saying that I will regret having amazing family around me, no. I will regret not showing my kids and myself the world. The beautiful, exciting, wonderful, mysterious world.